Lane Bryant gift card time!!!!

https://www.quikly.com/lane-bryant/q/VxZhPaG/t/ptodwbc-lnk?utm_campaign=5658-lane-bryant

dedicationorwhatever...completed

to jermaine thank you for kissing me in the cloak room, i felt pretty that day
to adarryl u were my friend first and boyfriend when i was ready. thank u for letting me go when it was time
to torrance for telling me i was beautiful...summer after summer
to avery for saving a seat for me everyday
to luke for being the first and not breaking my heart
to ramera for showing one type of man i should never be with
to broderick for loving me so well and so sincerely. i'm sorry for hurting u.
to zaire for holding me when i need to be held
to brian for teaching me the game, even though i refused to play. you are forever in my prayers
to kelvin for making me laugh even when i wanted to cry
to nick for broadening my horizons
to stanley for startling me into the realization that my self esteem had nothing to do with him



to courtney for making me realize that if you cant love me, as is, you aren't worthy of my love to marcus for teaching me the difference between a man and boy( u were the latter) to dwayne for that NYE in Atlanta... to ram for being a friend and helping me to grow emotionally, because i had to (pain grows you up quick) to three i wont name, for bringing me back to reality to quinn for breaking my heart into a million pieces to my Father in heaven for giving me the patience to wait for someone other than any of the aforementioned, SELAH

over. past. done. now.

waiting for some old ex has-been loved-him to come back over. past. done. expecting understanding of the little hurt girl that is fighting her way into adulthood from within over. past. done. saying this will be the year everything will change over. past. done. wishing that i was someone/somewhere else over. past. done. thinking that she must be better than I over. past. done. believing that I am not sustainable/responsible/dependable over. past. done. trusting the wrong people/advice over. past. done. following blindly what was once right/real/relevant over. past. done. seeking the approval of everyone but myself over. past. done. hoping that those i love will understand the disease ravaging me so that im cutting this shit short i'm good now not as broken now living now here now beautiful now living with purpose now having faith in God's will now intelligent.intuitive now searching for truth now letting my swollen fingers rest now..

going through changes

he saw me coming vulnerability etched like pen marks on my godson's pants during a too long service. i am a walking tuning fork ting ting ting lonely girl walking only a woman when time and reason demand it talking incessantly not lying not laying in the truth before him. sacrificial lamb not stylish or necessary anymore by biblical accord. tears and intellectually tinged rant army only armor the chinks are too obvious to the naked eye. a woman once said to me what am I invisible fifteen years later i finally know what she meant as she beat her life into my car window with her withered worldly fist deep is realizing that your are are everything and nothing at once. not there yet but I am surrounded by purveyors of the concept... he saw me coming at six at sixteen at twenty seven at thirty three hell at thirty five and a few to twenty times in between. i can't take the blame but who else is there to shoulder all this extra weight not prednisone or enbrel. eyes still peer cutting through the layers and i remember the brevity of real beauty encased in misses sizes and flowing good hair. so i bled out got my new blood thinking, praying that this blood would start the revolution in me yet i've come to know that changes lies not in blood or bone or tears or words but only in grace. and my hands slightly twisting becoming slowly misshapen grotesque in my eyes... in fact are clasped in prayer pleading for its elusive descent because i want to be much more stealthy. sometimes my arrival should be a mere whisper and surprise the hell out of whoever or whatever is waiting

is a republican trait. Did Mr. Obama speak or act soon enough? I'm not sure-I don't have his burden&responsibilities. Support him!

one year

it

a fave by Pablo Neruda "Sonnet 17"

"I don't love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz or arrow of carnations that propagate fire: I love you as certain dark things are loved, secretly, between the shadow and the soul. I love you as the plant that doesn't bloom, and carries hidden within itself the light of those flowers, and thanks to your love, darkly in my body lives the dense fragrance that rises from the earth. I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where, I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I know no other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you; so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep it is your eyes that close."

...this is the type of love i want to b showered with