dedicationorhoweverutakeit

to jermaine thank you for kissing me in the cloak room, i felt pretty that day
to adarryl u were my friend first and boyfriend when i was ready. thank u for letting me go when it was time
to torrance for telling me i was beautiful...summer after summer
to avery for saving a seat for me everyday
to luke for being the first and not breaking my heart
to ramera for showing one type of man i should never be with
to broderick for loving me so well and so sincerely. i'm sorry for hurting u.
to zaire for holding me when i need to be held
to brian for teaching me the game, even though i refused to play. you are forever in my prayers
to kelvin for making me laugh even when i wanted to cry
to nick for broadening my horizons
to stanley for startling me into the realization that my self esteem had nothing to do with him



to courtney for making me realize that if you cant love me, as is, you aren't worthy of my love to marcus for teaching me the difference between a man and boy( u were the latter) to dwayne for that NYE in Atlanta... to ram for being a friend and helping me to grow emotionally, because i had to (pain grows you up quick) to three i wont name, for bringing me back to reality to quinn for breaking my heart into a million pieces to my Father in heaven for giving me the patience to wait for someone other than any of the aforementioned, SELAH

in outrage - i see young black, brown,and tan girls abused, exploited, and murdered in this country (see http://blackandmissing.blogspot.com/)yet we never see their faces on national news, no nationwide searches for them, or fifty thousand dollar rewards when they go missing. young black, brown,tan boys feel that misogyny is a rite of passage. our babies die at alarming rates from poor or no health care, abuse from the hands of parents, strangers, and in a broken social service system that is dedicated to numbers and not families. today i am crying for our children, so many children who have no hope or voice. what can i do? i feel very small sometimes... honestly, writing and not knowing what to actually DO. i talked with my father and expressed my feelings of frustration. he said, "dee these problems will always be with us, u just have to do your part." so what can i do, write letters, volunteer, further my education, educate others and work to do my best at my difficult and stressful job...this is not the end for me, but verbalizing gave me peace today, so i share my peace with you. please share it with whoever will listen. i didn't write this piece, but i luv it:

Girls are like
apples on trees. The best
ones are at the top of the tree.
The boys don't want to reach for
the good ones because they are afraid
of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they
just get the rotten apples from the ground
that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples
at the top think something is wrong with
them, when in reality, they're amazing.
They just have to wait for the right
boy to come along, the one
who's brave enough
to climb
all the way
to the top
of the tree.

i plan to re-write this however, because i believe that if the fallen apples are picked up quickly, even with a few bumps and bruises, they can be saved and just as beautiful and worthy as those apples hanging on...


in prayer and meditation for understanding and God's direction,
dee