on him, hurt, and growing up...

love yourself. don't ever believe, like i have, that you aren't deserving of every good and perfect gift. God made you in His image, so please know that u are beautiful, wonderful, special and worthy!

i allowed others and situations to make me feel that i wasn't good enough to deserve true contentment and peace. i based my feelings for myself on what others thought of me, or worse still, what i imagined they thought of me. not pretty. too fat. too emotional. too passive. instead i denied myself the pleasure of being all of the good that is me - kind, loving, selfless, determined, smart, witty, and dedicated.

i am angry at myself for abusing myself. that is why i am sharing how i feel now, because i know i am not alone. but these things, negative and difficult, are just for a season. we learn and grow from the difficulties of being fallible. it is the path to enlightenment, salvation, and self acceptance.

perfection isn't necessary in my mind; i just strive to be more and more of what He would have me to be each day and watch the blessings of God show up in time, His time.

my birthday was two weeks ago, but dee grew up a little more today. i am hurt but it will pass and i will look back and think, well i made it through that just fine. i am thankful to God for the process. He is doing a great work in me.

from a late blooming ever-evolving flower...namaste and be blessed!

u know what?

today hurts...

Happy Positive Thinking Day 9/13/09

10 ways to create a positive day

1. Use affirmations - Read and listen to affirmations so that you can begin to change your self-talk. (PRAY WITHOUT CEASING!)

2. Intention - Set your intention each morning to have a positive day! Remember you choose your attitude!

3. Mindfulness - Keep your attention in the present moment.

4. Link to think -Pick something you do frequently (perhaps making a phone call) and let that be a reminder to think a positive thought.

5. Gratitude - Develop an attitude of gratitude by keeping a gratitude journal.

6. Inspiration - Read and watch inspirational and motivational material to lift your mood.(THE BIBLE IS A GOOD PLACE TO START!)

7. Positive people - Surround yourself with positive people. They will help you stay focused on the positive.

8. Kindness - Be kind to yourself and those around you.

9. Applied faith - Trust that every situation has the seeds for growth and opportunity. (JUST JESUS!!!!)

10. Smile - Smile when you see others. A smile is contagious.

for him

two years
711 days
and one email lost among 833
were all that lingered
like the tears that so easily,
so languidly,
so passionately
grace the presence of my waiting
lashes &
lips.
those brief moments
stood full of promise
love in vitro
maturing untouched
unsullied
no too soon sex
to mar what is so clear
no voice,
opinions to darken what
God
has made light as air.
your love sings to me
rests in my hair and on my lips.
distance makes us laugh;
it has no stronghold
a fortress of praise
gratitude
& the future instead buttresses &
taunts miles
emails
texts
subliminal messages.
so much left to say
& there is no for need to say
anything.
quickened heartbeats
locked eyes
trembling hands
whispers
secret words
we know
God knows.
strength u have wrapped around me
sincerity i have laid at your feet.
honor
dedication
faithfulness
i hold these gifts not in my hands
instead beyond
the shallowness of word
in the secret place they dwell;
healing places that i dared not touch myself
rubbing scars until the numbness
awakens
then pain
then joy
and i cannot wait
and i will wait.
your promises
are not promises
but gifts etched
two souls
two hearts
one love